Category: Nonfiction

Wim Hof in My Shower

Wim Hof in My Shower

sundaydutroLeave a comment
Daily writing prompt
What could you do more of?
View all responses

This idea of soaking in an ice bath, of taking a Polar Plunge, of standing in a cold shower for as long as you can stand it has me obsessed. I read every book I can find on Wim Hof, a fascinating man who believed we all ought to be naked and freezing to enjoy our best health (yes, I’m condensing rather brutally and with a touch of snark). Outwardly, I let the obsession go, inwardly, I’m trying to convince myself to take a cold shower.

It comes up again when Brandon Carter writes a blog about cold showers, a blog I can’t find now but that may still exist in the internet ether. And because I’m a great believer in the Universe putting before you what you need, I pay attention. Clearly, there’s something to this cold shower thing I’m supposed to be tuning in to.

When I begin my new exercise routine of using an elliptical every day for thirty minutes, I come off the machine bright red in the face, soaked in sweat, and so hot. All the hormones of a forty-four year old woman who’s done nothing but sit in front of a computer and type for four months are clashing inside me and producing some alarming results.

I’ll never stop sweating, I imagine, and it becomes the perfect opportunity to take a cold shower. I start the water at a lukewarm temp that will actually entice me in rather than keep me out. I slowly turn the knob cooler as I finish washing hair, then a touch cooler as I finish soaping up, a touch cooler for a final rinse.

It’s not an ice bath, it’s not Wim Hof in my shower, but I’m getting there. And it’s not as horrific as I’d imagined, although I am still waiting for all those fabulous health benefits to become obvious.

A Writing Playlist

A Writing Playlist

sundaydutroLeave a comment
Daily writing prompt
What would your life be like without music?
View all responses

This morning I woke with Fox on the Run playing in my head. Yesterday it was an Indigo Girls song. And while I always wake with a song in my head from my playlist, it’s not always a song I’ve heard recently, and usually I can’t move on with my day until I’ve listened to the song to help get it out of my head. I’ve been this way for as long as I can remember.

It started with Paul Simon songs, usually lyrics, “still crazy after all these years.” Sometimes it would be nothing more than a tune, a song without words playing in my mind like a curse, like tinnitus to a tune. For some reason in high school and in college it was often a classical piece, something famous by Mozart. Something everyone would recognize if they heard it, but not something I necessarily listened to.

Writers ask each other about their playlists, share their playlists, encourage one another to keep a playlist to help them get into their writing zone. I haven’t tried it, which shocks me – I love music! Perhaps it’s partly because I do the majority of my writing on the couch, in the dark, at 4:45am while the rest of the family is asleep? True there are ear buds, but then I wouldn’t hear if one of the kids cries out for mama, or the dogs get restless and need to be let out, or if the coyotes are hunting and I need to make sure the dogs are in.

Still, I’m considering making a playlist for the other parts of the day when I find myself in front of the computer needing to edit, needing to write, needing to submit. And I wonder what would be on that playlist. What songs could I listen to that would stay in the background and not take over my writing groove when I’m in one, that may even allow me to go deeper into it?

What songs are on your playlist?

Not a Runner

Not a Runner

sundaydutro2 Comments
Daily writing prompt
How often do you walk or run?
View all responses

I saw an ad for a Wonder Woman run with a puffy blue jacket the participants get for running. It had the WW logo on it and I wanted it. “I could be a runner!” I thought to myself, before remembering that I am not a runner.

I’ve tried running multiple times in my life, always for fitness, never for pleasure. Still, I hold out for the experience of the runner’s high. All I ever get is a red face, a lot of sweat, sore shins. The image of myself as a runner persists, somehow.

The first time I gave up running was right after my brother had seen me running and told me he never knew I was a runner. Me neither, cause I’m not, I thought to myself. What I said out loud was something like, “why not? Anyone can run.” He took up running shortly after and just as quickly stopped. Our genetics bringing us closer than ever, two people who love an idea of ourselves but finally accept who we are.

It seems I only ever discover myself through what I am not. I am not a runner. I am not a veterinarian, a slam performance poet, or a finance person. I am not a Californian.

Perhaps I am a memoirist. That is my current attempt. May we always be attempting to discover who we are, even if it’s by discovering who we are not.

The Lucky Ones

The Lucky Ones

sundaydutroLeave a comment
Daily writing prompt
What brings a tear of joy to your eye?
View all responses

“It’s our song,” I say, and turn the volume up a bit. It’s Kenny Loggins, a man I’ve been told isn’t very nice in person but who I’ve never met, and anyway, this song is the story of my life. Sort of. The way many songs are. Mostly.

We have less than zero dollars as we drown in debt and try to figure out how to make a living when one of us is preternaturally ill and still trying to fix up our home so we can sell it, and the other is trying to mother two children under five years old while keeping up with household chores and launch a writing career.

It’s chaos.

Still, we will drop everything to listen to Kenny croon about the sun shining and that everything’s gonna be alright.

This is the song our band learned so they could play it for us at our wedding. This is the song playing in the background of so many memories – starting in childhood, then parenting, and now spousal.

We’ve earned what lovers own, and now we’re trying to earn a bit of the tangible stuff. I fear the song will lose some of it’s umph when we can afford to sing along and stumble over the “ain’t got money” part. Still, as long as we can harmonize with “I’m so in love with you, honey,” I think we’ll be okay. Either way it’ll bring a tear to my eye.

Sculpture in the Wild

Dreaming of Home

sundaydutroLeave a comment
Daily writing prompt
What does your ideal home look like?
View all responses

I’ve been dreaming of home, of place. I’ve been seeing home everywhere, in the creature carved into the shelf, in the stained glass I got at the thrift store, at the witch’s house (“The Castle” my kids called it) in Sculpture in the Wild.

My home is wherever my family is, that’s where I want to be. But my house? My house is a twenty year old double-wide, the sort of thing I was raised to look down upon but have found in truth to be quite to my liking. The roof is solid, the double-paned windows keep the below freezing temperatures at bay, and the unknown finish on the countertops is completely impervious to my rough treatment. It’s kind of perfect for me, a person who is the reason I can’t have nice things.

Still.

I dream of built-in’s, of bookcases that stretch ceiling to floor with pockets of art peaking out here and there. I dream of enormous windows to let in the light and the view. I dream of hardwood floors that don’t contain the stampeding herd of bison that is my children nor allergens. I dream of a kitchen where the food makes itself and it’s always edible…but perhaps that takes the dream too far.

For now, I live in the cookie-cutter house and dream of the day our house reflects our lives in a different way, a natural way, a custom way.

Daily Habits

Daily Habits

sundaydutro2 Comments
Daily writing prompt
What daily habit do you do that improves your quality of life?
View all responses

“I’m down to a pack a day,” she brags, exhaling a long stream of smoke and a longer stream of hacking coughs that leave me feeling like I’m about to throw up.

Apologies, but that’s my first thought. Something to do with how the prompt is written. *shudder*

With that out of the way, however, I have one daily habit that seems to belong in the “something I’m doing right” column, and I’m told over and over again that this is so. Despite feeling like it’s what I do because it’s my only option, I’m going to share it with you because it may be helpful.

Every morning, I wake up between 4:30am and 5am, not because I’m a morning person and not because that’s my favorite time of day (especially in winter). I wake up at 4:30/5am every morning because it’s the only time my entire family is preoccupied and doesn’t need me and I can have time to myself, for myself. For ease we’re just going to say 5am going forward. Let’s dive in.

Getting up at 5am means I get a minimum of one hour to myself, possibly a little longer if I’m lucky. It means I have one hour every day to show up for myself and my work. I quietly get out of my warm bed, throw on a sweatshirt, and clamber onto the couch, putting my feet up on the ottoman so I have a lap for my laptop. I pull on a blanket, open the computer, and start typing. I write every day for a minimum of one hour or 1,000 words. That is my daily goal and I don’t get to do any of the other things I could be doing with a sleeping household until that 1,000 words is met.

Once they’re done, however, I can then have my coffee, play some Wordle and Spelling Bee, check out other people’s posts and read an ebook. I have so many incentives waiting for me to finish that 1,000 words that it doesn’t feel like a chore, but a gift. And something about still being semi-asleep helps keep my inner-critic from rearing her ugly head and the words tend to flow out smoothly.

They say, “You can’t edit a blank page,” so I try to give myself something I can work with every day. These 1,000 words don’t always end up in the book, sometimes they become a standalone essay or a blog post or a Patreon post, but they’re never wasted.

What’s your best daily habit? What’s your worst?

Dreams

Making Dreams Come True

sundaydutroLeave a comment

My dreams are starting to come true and I’m pinching myself to be sure I’m awake.

The thing is, my dreams aren’t just magically coming true, I’m working my bootie off to make them happen. But because all the work is paying off, which seems like magic, it’s easy to think this is all happening to me, or for me, and not because of me. And because some people have been asking me what I’ve been doing to get where I am now, I thought I’d share.

Social Media

Social media is the biggest time suck ever. If you’re writing or doing any sort of creating really, you can’t afford to waste time on social media. Read that again. You can’t afford to waste time on social media. You have to have social media though. Have to. So, pick your least dreaded poison and get cracking. I started with Facebook because I already had a personal account and knew how it worked and was already on there twice a day (or more) anyway. Pick a social media that compliments your work if you can (ie: visual artists = Instagram, writers = Threads, etc.)

You are going to create a business profile, even if you have a personal profile, and you are going to make your business profile legit with a recognizable picture of you and all your pertinent contact details. And then you are going to make a note in your calendar or whatever you use to keep track of your daily tasks: social media twice a day (minimum).

And then you’re going to engage: post and comment, follow and like. Whatever the tools of the social you picked, you’re going to use them. Find and follow every creator that you already know and love. Then start seeing who engages with them and follow them, too. You’re going to make a minimum of two posts a day: once in the morning when you get up, and once at night before you go to bed. I suggest you also put up a post in the middle of the day, when you break for lunch or to stretch or what have you. Bathroom breaks are an excellent way to multi-task.

Genuinely engage. Don’t be grudging or depressing or negative. Be you at your best…and at your worst: as long as it’s real.

Website

Create a free website using any of the many free tolls out there. I used WordPress because at the time it had the most integrations, the least glitches, the best conversion to multiple devices (phone, tablet, etc). Use the same profile picture from social on your website (consistency is key, especially when you’re just getting started). Your website should reflect your art as best as possible. And try to blog a minimum of once a month, though once a week when you’re getting started is best. This is going to be a crazy long blog today…most of mine are shorter, as are most peoples free slots of time. Make sure there is a way to contact you and eventually you may want to have a newsletter signup, but that can wait in the beginning.

Resources

Google resources for people in your craft. I live in Montana and I’m a writer so when I was trying to find resources I did tons of different searches using different terms, ie: writing retreats in Montana, writing workshops near me, grants for writers, etc. Then start looking into those resources. Are there any that interest you? Even if it’s something you can’t afford right now, track all the possibilities…especially the ones that seem impossible. Use a spreadsheet or a list or something to track all these things, and try to add to the list as you hear of new opportunities.

Dream

Create wild bucket lists and vision boards. Add every single possible thing that brings you joy. Create reward lists and goal lists. Create a wins list! One person I’ve met literally celebrates EVERY win and reminds themselves to celebrate those tiny and big wins every year. Take a free calendar and mark down every milestone in your journey on the day you do it so that you can celebrate it every year (ie: three years ago today I went on my first Writing Retreat, etc.).

Do

Now comes the hard part: do. You need to do something with this website, this social media, these lists of resources and dreams. No one is going to come knock on your door and ask if they can make all your dreams come true. It’s up to you. So pick one of your resources, even if it’s one you think you’re not ready for or can’t afford, and make contact. Find out how much it is, find out if they have a sliding scale or give a scholarship or have a payment plan. Keep track of everything you learn about each opportunity. Make note of any other programs or opportunities that are mentioned and follow up on those as well. Find something to aim for and determine the path to achieving it.

Craft

And don’t forget your actual craft. If you’re a writer you need to log hours writing. You can’t edit a blank page. You can’t publish a sentence that hasn’t been written yet. Get to crafting and do it every day. Every artists does this part differently but every successful artist gets the same result: tangible product. Yes, dreaming and reading and walking and scrolling are all part of your craft, but they’re all the behind the scenes bits that no one can pay you for. You also must create something tangible to work with and eventually sell.

Whatever your practice is, make it happen every day. Sick, raining, grumpy, doesn’t matter; show up for yourself and your craft every day. I get up every morning between 4:30am and 5am and I write a minimum of 1,000 words while the household sleeps. It’s the only time I can create completely undisturbed, and even then I sometimes get interrupted by a kid that wet the bed or a dog that needs to be let out to chase a deer. Create your time, create your space, and create your minimum acceptable goal for each day and then DO IT!

Irons in the Fire

And now, the last thing, and it may feel overwhelming but it’s huge: you’ve got to have a lot of irons in the fire. For example, as a writer I need to publish and because I’ve never been published I’m a risk and an asset. I wrote a bunch of short stories before changing trajectory to write my memoir on miscarriage. In the meantime those stories need a home, so I started sending them out for publication. When one was rejected I’d send it somewhere else. When a publisher asked me to send them something else to look at, I did. Always keep things out in the world no matter what your medium.

Always be researching the opportunities available to you and apply for them. At one point I had an application in to a Grant Program, a Writing Workshop, a Foundation Prize, and a few other things all at the same time…it was a lot to juggle and a lot to have constant high hopes for. It’s also a lot of things that can all say yes to you and your craft at the same time and be a huge windfall that gets your creative ball rolling.

There’s some barfingly true quote from a hockey pro that’s something like: you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.

Take the shot. Always.

Breathe

You’ve got this. You can do it. The only people unsuccessful at this are the people waiting for it to happen to them. If you’re making it happen, it will happen. The Universe gets behind you, or god, or something. Whatever you want to call it, it’s powerful. And keep in mind, if you’re pushing really hard for something and it’s not working, you may be pushing for the wrong thing. Back off a bit, start pushing for something else. Sometimes a door is closed because it’s the wrong door. Do your best, and then be willing to do your best again, somewhere else.

Remember to breathe, cause it’s gonna be an amazing roller coaster and you don’t want to miss the ride.

Attending Haven I Writing Retreat: The Takeaway

Attending Haven I Writing Retreat: The Takeaway

sundaydutro1 Comment

If you missed Part Three, you can read it here.

Based on everything I’d ever heard or read about writing retreats, I expected to have a room to write in, food made available three times a day, the end. I expected to be at a retreat for x number of days writing. Then go home. Honestly, with two little boys and two dogs and five cats and four chickens and a husband…a few days of being left entirely alone to write and being fed sounds quite lovely. But that’s not what Haven is.

Workshopping Outside
Workshopping Outside

It’s not what it isn’t either. There’s tons of writing at Haven. You write for hours in the morning class, and in the afternoons in your “free” time. And if you’re like me, you woke up early and wrote before class and again in the evening at the end of the day. There was one day where the writing from morning class extended into an outdoor workshop of more writing and reading. There was no shortage of writing happening at Haven.

Reading Outside
Reading Outside

Some afternoons before dinner we’d sit outside and take turns reading poetry or letters. There was as much reading at Haven as writing. A thing I’d not expected but am grateful for.

Selfie
Selfie

And yes, I got to meet live and in person, multiple New York Times Bestselling author Laura Munson, which is a fabulous honor. She taught me some amazing practices, alerted me to some phenomenal ways of seeing, and is solely responsible for my turning a short story into a memoir. I will always be grateful for all of that.

Haven Mavens
Haven Mavens

But the reason I went to Haven, the reason I got so much out of the experience, the reason I still can’t stop thinking about it is: the women. The women I worked with at Haven and continue to meet with weekly to discuss our work, are absolutely phenomenal.

I’d gone to Haven thinking I needed the experience to define me as a writer. If I got feedback that what I was doing was good, then I’d keep going and try to make a living out of it.

I’d gone to Haven thinking I needed the validation of having attended a retreat to define me as a writer. If I’ve never gone to a writing retreat how can I possibly call myself a writer?

I’d gone to Haven thinking that if I was really lucky, I’d get a group of writer friends to help discuss all the writerly things with. If I didn’t have a writers group to commiserate with, I wasn’t a writer.

All of that is bullshit.

It turns out that while I got an education at Haven I never could have gotten anywhere else, the most important thing I got from attending are these friends. We call ourselves the Haven Mavens and we meet weekly via Zoom to discuss all things writing. They are the women I contact when I’m excited about a grant I’m applying for or a short story I submitted for publication or I’m frustrated and stuck with my work in progress.

I went to Haven for unnecessary and ridiculous validation. I left Haven with a tribe.

Attending Haven I Writing Retreat: Part Three

Attending Haven I Writing Retreat: Part Three

sundaydutro2 Comments

If you haven’t read Part Two you can find it here.

Stone Monoliths
Stone Monoliths

Each day was similar: breakfast, write, classes, write, lunch, write, social hour, write, dinner and dessert, reading and feedback. The day officially started at 8am and didn’t end until 10pm…or 11pm. And perhaps if I’d been able to sleep better, if my insomnia hadn’t been in charge, I’d have handled the schedule better. As it was I was up every morning by 6am or sooner and not able to fall asleep until nearly midnight.

It was exhausting and wonderful. I didn’t have to plan, cook, or shop for food. I didn’t have to check social media every hour, I didn’t want to either even if the schedule had allowed it.

Steamy Pond
Steamy Pond

I’d walk the property in the early hours enjoying the steam coming off the many ponds, arriving back to the lodge feet soaked, but blood warm and flowing, ready to write in my journal listening to the sound of cooking in the kitchen.

Secret Garden
Secret Garden

My walks along the property every morning and every afternoon after dinner were grounding and enervating. I’d come across a new structure and wonder at it’s purpose aside from the obvious beauty. I slowly realized how much more I was getting from this retreat than the validation I’d initially sought, the crafted learning I’d been lacking, the nourishing food I hadn’t expected to be such a delight.

Labyrinths
Labyrinths

What surprised me most was the energy of the place. I live only a few hours away and have visited the area many times. But Montana is Montana, I thought, how different can it be. Only it was, different. There’s an intense energetic pulse to the place, a seeking and a soothing, a pushing and an untangling. I wondered if everyone else felt it, too.

Read the final part “The Takeaway” here.