July 2024: Heather Saint

“restless in a permanent way”

but I don’t want to…I don’t want to stay here but I just installed a woodstove.  I want to travel but I don’t want to see people.  I want to stay home but I want to see far\flung family.  I am restless, I can’t decide. Wait a year they said, my year is up and I still don’t know what to do.  I want, I don’t want, stay, go, read, sit.  My restless drives me yet I am paralyzed with immobility. Restlessness is just a nagging ping in my brain that says do this, go there, see that.  but I want the quiet, the soft, the safe. there it is – Safe. but safe is boring. I am not wanting boring, but I don’t want frightening.   Safe and not boring? what to do, what to do…

Heather Saint is a world traveled native Montanan, settling into retirement in NW Montana.